restlessness

it has been a long time since i have been in that "restless" phase of life. in fact, the last time was in 2005 when i was itching to experience life in a new place and not just continue the grind in pennsylvania.

our move to north carolina was, ultimately, good for the soul. i was restless at first... for sure. no friends, no familiar surroundings, no idea what we'd gotten ourselves into. but we made it through, feeling God's pull to keep us here. i experienced a couple of tough job situations, but ended up in a job i liked a lot at UNC, with coworkers who i still get together with nearly 2 years after leaving that job. i moved on to another job in 2008 that was just a much better fit for our lifestyle and i've been there since. and i like it, too.

we bought our first house here, we're raising our first [pet] family here and hopefully will raise our first [human] family here. we have AMAZING friends here, a fantastic community at our church, great weather, lots to do... so what is wrong with me? why do i feel restless?

i think i'm discovering that unlike my first bout with this parasite called dissatisfaction, this new round deals with my career. i think i might be unhappy in my career choice. (cue dooms day music)

i know a lot of women my age going through this right now... that second career calling. it would be the first career switch for any of us since we graduated from college and i think that is what makes it the scariest. but what about all that money and time i spent in college? what about the time and effort i've put into becoming good at what i do? what about the [relative] financial security that i've been able to build? how does one go about addressing these questions? where the hell do i start? there are aspects of PR that i've not tried my hand at that i think i'd really enjoy -- corporate communications being one of them. so yes, i could try that. but i also have a severe nagging to follow more of a "dream" to be an interior decorator. yeah, yeah... not like this dream is going to change the world, i know. but i'm seriously lacking in the creativity department. i used to be so creative, so excited to be creative. the desk i'm chained to has become a piece of cheap veneer that represents a serious growing resentment. and don't even get me started about my office chair!

and some days are worse than others. yesterday was not nearly as bad as monday, and today (i hope) won't be as bad as yesterday. yea! hmm... perhaps the weather has something to do with this?

anyway... i think my next step is to get down to business. what would a new career look like? what would the investment look like? what would i like the end result to be? or even ask myself if it is possible to just redirect what i'm doing now but within the same organization. and in the meantime, while i figure out my life (stop laughing) i will enjoy what i'm doing because i am definitely one lucky gal to even have a job at an organization i can believe in. and i can do what i can to make those decorating dreams somewhat of a reality by basically offering myself as a designer's bitch for however long necessary. that should either allow me to a.) gain valuable experience that leads to a new career, or b.) get myself arrested for assault.

ready. set. go.